This was what Troy said when he walked into Active Endeavors today. I've only been working there for a few weeks, but I know enough about our stock to realize this requires a follow up question.
"What kind of stuff?" wait, was that what my manager called the inventory?
"I need some stuff to keep me from dying on a two day hike in the Grand Canyon." Good, good. He's trusting me with his life. Way to build a customer relationship.
"Do you have shoes?" I asked.
*we both look at his adidas* "No"
"Ok, we have shoes"
"Yes"
And with this stunning display of people skills I showed him the wall of men's hiking boots. He looked things over for a bit, then asked me "Other than price, what's the difference between these two?" I've never hiked in fancy boots, been educated on footwear, nor worn men's shoes (except for that one time). But this man's life was at stake. I'd better come up with some bull shit fast.
"One is green...(I tell it like it is)...because of the different material used" Nice save, now we're up to 3 syllable words.
"Ah, can I see this is a ten?" Troy, darling, you can see anything with your imagination. When your feet return to Iowa covered in blisters and snake bites, you can imagine I sold you the right pair of boots.
"yeah, I'll be right back" To the bat cave!
I returned with the shoes and sat down to help lace him up. The only problem was the boots didn't have laces, they had draw strings.
"It's kinda handy actually. This way you don't have to worry about tripping over your laces and falling off a cliff...heh heh heh." I'm sure he was laughing on the inside.
After he strolled around the store for a few minutes, he decided the boots would work for him. I boxed them up and asked what else he would need.
"You guys sell tents?"
"We don't have any in stock right now. They were all bought in the sale last week" We both reflect on this for a moment.
"Wow, so many more people have tents now than before" Whoa, Troy, I can't even get my head around that. I don't think either of us is up to philosification today.
And with that, we headed to the register. It occurred to me that based on my deep understanding of this customer and the nature of his purchase, he would spend two days streaking in the grand canyon wearing nothing but hiking boots. He would have to survive by eating the little tab on the draw string.
"Will that be all for you today?"
"No, wait! (I need a light weight sleeping bag, some dried food, a flame cooker, one waterproof jacket, a brown tilley hat, and an emergency snake bite kit!..he seemed to say) I'd better grab some chapstick."
"Oh, right." Good call, Troy. It'd be so embarrassing if you had chapped lips when they find your body. I rung him up and bagged his items.
"Thanks. I'll be back for the winter sale!" He said as he walked out the door.
God willing, Troy. God willing.
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4 comments:
You just had me laughing like a complete fool in the lobby of a hotel on Marco Island. Thanks. No really, thank you. (But I'm not kidding, thanks.) Oh yeah, the beach is boring. When I get back, I demand to be SEXED UP! (that's really more of a delightful hint on my behalf to perchance some rough petting...I mean...light...hand-holding...stuff...Ivegottogogetbeach)
The word of the day is: kajmnfis!
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I hope he got Lip Smackers chapstick. That way he could trick his body from starving to death by licking his lips over and over.
Why eat real bananas when you can trick yourself into a beeswax fantasy?
toma: I agree completely. In 3rd grade I ate trakaya ransom's lipgloss on the bus.
Yes: I'm glad I amused you. And thank you for reinforcing my choice to not tell my relatives about my blog. (cousin drew would have a fit!)
The human race is slowly declining back into the state of pre-mental times.
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